10. Dallas, Texas – the most exciting thing is the journey out

To many, Dallas was placed firmly on the map in the 1980s with its glitzy portrayal in of Joan Collins, shoulders pads and the evil J R Ewing. What more glamour, intrigue and scandal does any one city need? In reality, it’s really not that exciting. It also made it onto Forbes’ list of the 10 most boring cities in the US in 2009. Founded in 1840 as a frontier trading post, Dallas is the 3rd biggest city in Texas and the 9th in the United States with a population of over 1m. There is street after street of house upon house. No-one walks anywhere, and if you are a tourist, don’t plan to go far after 5pm; everything is closed. Add to that the cost of living and one of the most humid climates in the US. Let’s not forget the tornadoes, violent thunderstorms and temperatures over 100F in summer bringing with it an inescapable humidity. It no doubt led to the invention in 1981 of the frozen margarita cocktail by a bored and sodden Mario Martinez. Dallas is also responsible for Barney, the bizarre purple dinosaur with his terrifying face and horrendous song that plagued my son’s nightmares as a toddler. It’s also the home of famous computer games, including ‘Doom’. Need I say more?

9. Detroit, Michigan – dull, really

Detroit is the largest city in the state of Michigan. Famous all over the world for its automotive center and Henry Ford – what more could anyone ask? Any city that is famous for installing the first traffic light and paving the first mile of concrete road has to be high on the list of places to visit in the US. But where is the nightlife, the culture? Don’t worry, there is much more to Detroit than meets the eye. Based on consumption, it’s the potato chip capital of the world. Who said the US has an obesity crisis? It has the second highest sales of fishing rods in the US. Stop me before I fall asleep, which piteous place sells more? The city that gave birth to the classic sound of Motown prefers to be known as The Motor City. Just one question – why? Has it really come very far from the fur trapping days of French soldiers and missionaries?

8. Orlando, Florida – isn’t this Orlando more interesting?

If you aren’t 10 years old, what is there to do in Bore-lando? A city famous primarily for its tourist attractions and superficial lifestyle, Orlando is awash with strip malls, housing developments and traffic. Add a dose of humidity in the hot summer and the best thing about Orlando is the airport. Orlando International Airport is the second busiest in the state of Florida after Miami, so there are plenty of opportunities to fly somewhere interesting! OK, so you have Seaworld, Universal Studios and, of course, the overpriced and overrated Walt Disney World, ceremoniously opened by the man himself in 1971. So you have more theme parks and tourist attractions than anywhere else in the world but you also have mediocrity. Throw in high crime rates and hurricane risks and do yourself a favour. Go elsewhere.

7. Chula Vista, California – on an exciting day

Nestling 7 miles from San Diego, Chula Vista was also cited in Forbes’ most boring cities list. Its population of quarter of a million people lives in a city where there is nothing happening and nothing to do. Chula Vista annexed the nearby town of Montgomery in 1986, but that’s about as interesting as it gets. Extensive researched revealed a town without character or fun. If you are averse to the life of a beach-bum, traffic, too many people and earthquake risks, it leaves you with an expensive cost of living. Plus, the seals poop in the sea. I am slightly biased as yet my own experience of this area left me distinctly underwhelmed. The year I visited the whole of San Diego experienced its worse February rainfall, with most of its monthly quota falling on my one day off from a tedious convention. At least Interstate 805 isn’t far away, so you can escape to LA.

6. Chicago, Illinois – as it really is

The renowned Windy City, with nearly 3 million inhabitants and the only river in the world that flows backwards – the Chicago River. It has the Lincoln Park Zoo and the world’s largest public library stocked with in excess of two million books. On top of that Chicago is classed as an Alpha World City for its economic and cultural influence throughout the world. And there’s more! It has over 50 museums, 150 theatres and over 6,000 restaurants so how could it be considered on the list of boring US cities? With apologies to all of those I have not duly offended, this choice is personal. Many years ago, en route to a much anticipated week in San Diego I was stranded in Chicago for a whole weekend due to freezing temperatures not seen for some years. Our plane screeched to a halt in a snow drift after veering blindly through a blizzard in several attempts to land. Seven – yes, seven – hours later, I emerged from the airport, having finally convinced stony faced officials to release my luggage rather than send it to San Diego without me. It took a further three hours to secure accommodation for this unexpected sojourn to the paralysed city. The weekend consisted of futile attempts to stay warm in arctic conditions, dressed for the balmy climate of San Diego. Eventually, we were released on Sunday afternoon when the world had defrosted. Regrettably, my memories of Chicago are of a perishing city, a dingy hotel room, a lobby crammed with frozen travellers and questionable food. And as for the airport…… I’ve never gone back.

5. Anaheim, California – scary!

Another personal choice. Founded in 1857 by grape farmers, Anaheim literally means ‘home by the river’, referring to the nearby Santa Ana river and the translation of ‘heim’ as home in German. In the 1920s, it was famous for being a model ‘Klan’ city as in the Klu Klux Klan. At the time, nine out of ten of the police force were members of that dreaded organisation. Thankfully a sensible population eventually ousted them. Maybe it’s me and theme parks as Disney World was opened here in 1955 and still attracts countless visitors every year. It’s home to the Anaheim Ducks, a famous name on this side of the pond. It’s also one of the safest places in the US which would imply that nothing much happens…but it is also the place where I spent three days holed up with severe food poisoning, after a seemingly innocuous evening at a highly recommended local restaurant. So. Anaheim. The blur of a hotel bathroom, endless trips to an overpriced healthcare center and dubious food. As tentative as this recommendation is, I’d stick with Orlando.

4. Phoenix, Arizona – what can you do in a desert?

Think of Arizona and think desert and heat. Deserts aren’t meant to be lived in, they are meant to be at best travelled through by experienced itinerants. Lying in the Sonoran Desert, Phoenix is the 6th largest city in America. On average, it sees night-time temperatures of over 80F for over two months of the year, making it a haven for insomniacs. John McCain called it the ‘Number Two Kidnapping City of the World,’ and it has one of the highest car theft rates in America. It is also the largest American city without a passenger rail service; the nearest one stops 25 miles away in Maricopa. Make your own way from there. The authorities know there’s nothing to do so they make it impossible for you to leave. Too hot, violent, no easy way of getting in and out and nothing to do except swelter. Why would you? While you are bored, you may want to go looking for the lost gold mine of legend – the Lost Dutchman Goldmine of the Superstition Mountains situated somewhere in the Apache Mountains. Legend has it that the mine is cursed so be careful! Alternatively, you can always visit the Desert Botanical Garden, featuring desert plants from the Sonoran Desert. No, don’t let me stop you! Or maybe you can hire a car or book a flight to somewhere more exciting.

3. Augusta, Georgia – yawn

With its exciting nickname of The Garden City, the most famous thing about Augusta is its annual hosting of the golf Masters Tournament which sums up its appeal. Laid back, boring and dull and that’s just the game. Nothing happens in Augusta. Its most famous museum is the Historic Cotton Exchange. If you are really stultified, you can walk along the Savannah River or play golf at the Augusta National Golf Club, while you wait for the tournament to come back again. Let’s not forget the World’s Richest Drag Boat Race that also takes place in Augusta every July. Augusta was also the capital of Georgia, twice! But capital cities need a some life, so in 1868, after two chances, it lost out to Atlanta. If you really don’t like golf (you would be normal), you could always go on an expedition to find the grave of George Washington’s dog, who is rumoured to be buried there. One mitigating fact that earned it a higher rating on the list is that James Brown came from Augusta. Oh and apparently the city of August and Richmond County governments ‘merged operations’ in 1996, whatever that means but I wouldn’t get too carried away. Unless it’s from Augusta.

2. Barrow, Alaska – Why Would You?

If you love desolate places, arctic conditions and a bleak curtain of darkness for over 60 sunless days a year then Barrow is for you! Survival must be the most exciting part of daily life for the 4,500 or so brave inhabitants of this most northern ‘city’ in the US. Named after Sir John Barrow – an English statesman and Baronet of the 18th Century – Barrow ‘enjoys’ a polar climate with the lowest average temperatures in Alaska. There are freezing temperatures on an average 324 days PER YEAR and it doesn’t stop there. The top temperature in July barely scrapes above freezing. The sun sets around 18th November and doesn’t rise again until 24th January. From October to the end of May it freezes, simple as that. Barrow features in the film 30 Days of Night, about vampires who wait until the sun sets for months to invade and feed on its unwitting inhabitants. Is that all the writers could come up with? For those wishing to drown their sorrows in a more traditional way, forget it! There are no bars in Barrow. The sale of alcohol is illegal, and available only by permit, due to problems with sexual assault and violence. Does it deserve its rating in this list? Need I say more?

1. Las Vegas, Nevada – don’t go any closer

Sin City, the city that never sleeps, the entertainment capital of the world … let’s be honest, in spite of its racy image, Las Vegas is just a desert famous for its 4.2 mile strip. Why else does anyone visit there? Established in 1905 in the middle of the Mojave Desert, Las Vegas became a city in 1911 and is now the most populated city in Nevada for one obvious reason. With nearly 600,000 inhabitants, it’s famous for its tourism, gaming and conventions. It’s also one of the brightest cities on earth with over one million lights, so it has to be exciting, right? Wrong! This avaricious city is soulless and superficial. Everything looks the same; there are no decent stores, no community and it has one of the highest suicide rates in America. Even the visitors are twice as likely to commit suicide in Las Vegas as they are when visiting anywhere else. And does anyone really enjoy walking nearly a mile from their hotel room to where the action is? Really? What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas – just don’t make it you.

10. Proximity to Hawaii

Hawaii is the number one vacation destination for US residents. It’s surprising how many people actually forget that it’s a part of the US when they vacation there, as it seems like another world entirely. Hawaii is often labeled as paradise, and with white sand beaches, natural local vegetation and animal life, and geography worth exploring, it’s hard to argue with that. What’s nice about the West Coast is that it’s just a short airplane ride over to Hawaii. Leave from Los Angeles Airport or maybe San Francisco and you will be whisked away to another world in mere hours. If someone on the East Coast wanted to visit Hawaii, not only would it be more expensive, but the trip would take virtually a whole day with all the flight layovers in several cities. To take a plane from Boston to Hawaii would require plane changes in Chicago, Denver, possibly Las Vegas, and Los Angeles. That’s a potential for four stoppages in travel. Leave from the West Coast however, and you’ll fly direct, maybe with one layover depending on where you leave from. Europe may be an incredible draw for people on the East Coast, but if you want to go to paradise, you’re more fortunate to live on the West Coast. Just hop on a morning flight and you’ll be surfing and snorkeling by noon.

9. San Diego

San Diego is billed as the “perfect place to live” in America. Think of everything that has been detailed in this list and add a little bit more charm and prestige and you will have an idea of how cool San Diego is. Perfect temperatures, warm and friendly people, music festivals and artisans galore, professional sports teams, modern buildings, clean streets, beautiful sunsets, great beaches, and more make San Diego a city that must be experienced. The East Coast has some amazing cities, no question about it, but there’s something slightly more majestic and enthralling about San Diego in particular that makes it the ideal city to live in. You will be stunned at its beauty, impressed by its cleanliness and friendly people, and just how relaxed and tranquil it seems, particularly for a large city. New York has that “wow factor” that you expect from a large city, but everybody there is in a hurry and the city itself is not very clean at all. San Diego is truly unique in the US, and should be experienced as soon as possible.

8. Modern Cities

San Diego, San Francisco, Los Angeles, Anaheim, Seattle, and Portland are all major cities on the West Coast, but there’s one major difference between them and cities like Boston and New York; they’re new. Boston and New York and Philadelphia all take pride in the fact that they’ve been around for hundreds of years, but along with that comes wear and tear, depreciation, and lack of structural integrity. Plus, many of them are hideous to behold. The West Coast is fortunate enough to be formed much later than the east, and thus, its cities are newer. Being formed later in time makes them new, cleaner, and more modern as technology and architecture has improved. Many of these cities and buildings look like something out of a science fictions movie and give new meaning to the term “modern”. While history and red brick buildings are great sometimes, there’s nothing more thrilling than walking down a city street on the West Coast and admiring the contemporary angles and materials used to create the corporate headquarters and residential towers.

7. In ‘N Out Burger and Jamba Juice

Ever heard of In ‘N Out Burger (a.k.a. In ‘N Out)? It’s only the best fast food you will ever taste! With no freezers, microwaves, or heat lamps on company grounds (any of them), In ‘N Out is not only the best tasting fast food, but it’s also the healthiest. Can McDonald’s or Burger King say that? I didn’t think so. In ‘N Out also gives you combinations unheard of at other fast food chains. Not to mention, they peel, cut, and bake their own French fries on site! And they’re awesome! Seriously, what other chain would even consider doing that? If you’ve been there enough, you already know about their “secret” language for ordering food. “Animal” means a mustard burger with the usual fixings and extra sauce; “Protein” is a burger wrapped in lettuce instead of a bun; “Well done” means cook my fries until they are extra crispy and delicious; and the famous “Flying Dutchman” corresponds to a double beef burger with double cheese and nothing else. You need to go to this place if you’ve never been, and the catch is, they’re native to the West Coast. So if you want to try it out, head west. The perfect addition to any In ‘N Out meal, or just a healthy alternative, is Jamba Juice. Created at California Polytechnic State University, Jamba Juice is the best smoothie you will ever taste. 5 servings of real fruit in each smoothie ensures a healthy snack, and the Vita Boost shot you can add in gives you protein and energy built right into your drink. They’re thick and frosty and if you get a large enough one, you won’t even need a meal to go with it. Jamba Juice is so good that it’s made it to the East Coast, but there’s only one of them. Times Square in New York City houses the only Jamba Juice in the east, but go to California, and they’re everywhere. Drink up.

6. Entertainment Capital of the World

In a lot of ways, Hollywood runs America, and parts of the rest of the world. Actors and movies have the ability to captivate audiences of millions of people who will tune in or purchase a movie just to see other people walk around and talk. If you think about it, that’s a pretty powerful phenomena. Now, consider that the music industry builds its entire business plan on people listening to music. Jam sessions, concerts, and festivals galore bring hundreds of bands and artists to the spotlight and thousands of people will come out to see these people play and sing. Where does all this happen, you ask? Well, it happens on the West Coast of course! Hollywood takes care of the movies, television shows, and plays that people go see, the music industry puts on dozens of festivals like “Coachella” each year which bring bands and fans together, and Seattle, WA is one of the places where outstanding bands and performers consistently perform and get discovered. None of this could ever occur on the East Coast, and it’s something that makes the West Coast inherently unique. Only the West Coast is the Entertainment capital of the world.

5. Silicon Valley

Google, Microsoft, Apple, Yahoo!, eBay, Intel, Nvidia, and SanDisk; these are just a handful of the hundreds of technology companies that make their headquarters in the San Fernando Valley, California. Nicknamed for the electronics and microchips produced there, this technology hub of the US sees hundreds of companies work every day to provide America and the rest of the world with top quality electronics and gadgets. Most people carry a cell phone and have at least one computer in their home, and they have Silicon Valley to thank for that. Every day technology changes and advances, and what better place to experience those innovations than the technology capital of the country? Each of these companies chose to make their homes in California and on the West Coast. Why? Because there’s more space, more opportunity, and a less stressful environment to work in. Who wouldn’t want to be in Silicon Valley? After all, as the saying goes, “When in doubt, Google it”, and in Silicon Valley, you can Google it directly.

4. Sunsets

Sunsets show off some of the most majestic natural beauty in the world. The sheer variety and intensity of color that accompanies them are a sight to behold, and when viewed from that one perfect spot, they are breathtaking. On the East Coast, it’s all about the sunrises, which are beautiful themselves. But there’s something about a sunset that is different. Sunsets are magical, peaceful, relaxing, romantic, and exciting all at once. Watching the sun go down over a mountain range or sitting on a beach as it slips below the horizon is just a supernatural feeling. Seeing as the sun rises in the east, it makes sense that better sunrises would occur there, but the sun sets in the west upon the completion of another day. It promises hope for another tomorrow, and kicks off any nightlife you may want to enjoy. They also make for some awesome photos if done correctly. West Coast sunsets trump East Coast sunrises any day of the week.

3. Laid Back Attitude

Hustle and bustle, people hurrying to get everywhere, and “go-go-go” attitudes are the norm in East Coast cities and towns. Even more relaxed towns in New England and the south have this mentality engrained into them. From a young age one sees people hurrying to get everywhere, procrastinating until the last possible second before brazenly rushing out the door to get to their next appointment, or even just to make that last movie of the night. The corporate world runs on how fast something can get done, and how quickly someone can turn around and do something else. Not on the West Coast. People there aren’t so concerned with deadlines, rush hour, or what it takes to climb to the top of the corporate ladder. The west is less cutthroat than the east, and it shows in the culture. Have a big project to present at the end of the week? Don’t stress out, it’ll get done. West Coasters are also into the “Wellness” movement which includes everything from Yoga and Pilates to kickboxing and spa treatments. It is this type of behavior that not only fosters a productive environment, but an enjoyable and relaxed one as well. This is something the East Coast certainly cannot say, as most of the people there suffer from heart attacks and high blood pressure from all the stress they acquire each day. And that’s just no fun.

2. Weather

Serving as almost three quarters of the West Coast itself, California dominates the landscape and much of what people associate the west with. What’s one of the major attractions of California? Weather entices millions of visitors each year, and as the climate is always mild and sunny, there is never a bad time to visit. Low humidity makes the higher temperatures enjoyable, and it is not uncommon to see people consistently outdoors 10-12 months out of the year. Surfing and other water sports are possible thanks to this mild climate as well. Although much of the West Coast sits on fault lines and earthquakes plague the region, I’ll take an earthquake over a hurricane any day of the week. Moving north, Oregon is known for its natural beauty and national parks, while Washington boasts some of the nicest coastal settings, harbors, and forests in the country. Add the natural beauty of the Cascade and Sierra Nevada mountain ranges, and the West Coast offers just as much nature as the east. Beautiful temperatures and natural scenery make the West Coast appealing to anybody who wishes to experience a mild climate without the hazards of the east. If you can’t make it to the Caribbean or some place in the Mediterranean climate, California weather is as close to paradise as you can get.

1. Beaches, Bikinis, and Body Surfing

Huntington Beach, Long Beach, Ocean Shores, Laguna Beach, Newport Beach, Rockaway Beach; need I go on? Look at a map of the West Coast and about every quarter of an inch you will see a beach of some sort. Like the sunshine and warm temperatures? If so, you belong on the West Coast, which has the greatest and most enjoyable selection of beaches in the entire continental US. Sunshine, sand, surfing, swimming, and all those other “s” words that are associated with going to the beach can be enjoyed on the West Coast far easier than its eastern counterpart. What else do you is there at the beach? Women in bikinis, that’s what. Often referred to as the state for “beautiful people”, California natives and tourists support this viewpoint when they go to the beach. There is no doubt that California, Oregon, and Washington flaunt better beach bodies than those on the East Coast, even in southern states, like Florida, that are famous for their beaches. The West Coast beaches are just better all-around. They’re cleaner, bigger, less congested, and more fun, and who doesn’t love some fun in the sun with plenty of great scenery to look at?

**BONUS – Arnold Schwarzenegger (a.k.a. “The Terminator”) is the Governor of California. It doesn’t get more badass than that

10. The East Coast is Real

Think about what the West Coast (most notably California) is most known for. Hollywood, the silver screen, plastic surgery, perceived low work ethic, trendy, and superficial notions. The West Coast is fake. People there are laid back to the point where they get virtually nothing done, and no work ethic is exhibited, trends and styles change on a whim based on whatever the latest celebrity or designer says, plastic surgery is modifying people’s bodies at an all-time high rate, and Hollywood dominates the ideology of much of the area. The East Coast could not be more opposite than that. People there are workaholics, often putting in over 60 hours at their place of work in order to either keep up with competition or rise up the corporate ladder. Most people are genuine and it is easy to tell what kind of person they are upon first meeting them. Drugs and crimes do not run rampant across entire regions in the east as they do in the west, and celebrities do not run the cities. I mean, come on, Arnold Schwarzenegger is the governor of California! The Governor! I can’t take a state, or in this case, coast seriously when its major attraction gives all its power to a movie star.

9. Accents and Dialects

What’s the weirdest thing you’ve ever heard a West Coast native say? Hella? “Mad *insert adjective of choice here*”? Maybe some abbreviation that’s indecipherable to anyone outside California? That’s what I thought. Get real folks. Everyone knows the East Coast has better words native to its lands, and oh by the way, have you ever heard a west coaster talk with an accent or dialect? I didn’t think so. Not like they do in the east. Massachusetts has had its famed “wicked” and over-exaggerated “ahhhh” sound demonstrated throughout history to the point that everyone instantly knows it. States south of Virginia exhibit the so-called “southern drawl” that has been made famous by country music and barbeques everywhere. New Yorkers even somehow manage to insert the letters “o” and “w” into nearly every word in the dictionary: New Yawrk (New York), cawffee (coffee), wawter (water), wawrk (work). Every region in the east has its own dialect or accent to its credit, and while not really contributing anything tangible to society, it sure makes thing interesting and unique, something the West Coasters cannot duplicate.

8. Variety

As mentioned before, on the East Coast it is possible to drive through numerous states in a matter of hours. While on this journey one can see another fact that makes the East Coast better than the west: variety. Variety in people, places, culture, history, and diversity. What’s great about the east is that it’s not just northern California and So Cal and then Washington and Oregon, it’s a mishmash of different kinds of people and those differences are reflected in their states. Florida is a haven for vacationers and retirees; North and South Carolina for their delightful mix of beach life and southern zest; New Jersey (a.k.a. the “Dirty Jerz”) is infamous for the attitudes of its residents; New York is the city that never sleeps and where everything happens at an amazingly fast pace; Massachusetts and Connecticut are sports nuts and the backbone of America’s academia; Vermont and New Hampshire have their share of “hippies” and cows; and Maine – well, the moose and lobster live up there. Every state offers something completely different than the last, and there are so many more opportunities to experience the world within this great country on the East Coast.

7. Shorter International Travel

Want to travel outside the US? Care to try your hand in Britain or France? Maybe Germany and Italy are more your style. Mexico, Canada, South America, and Africa are also at your fingertips. Live on the East Coast and travel to Europe is easy. Hop on a plane in virtually every major city and you will find yourself cruising at 20,000ft over the smaller of the two major oceans, right into the vacation of your dreams. Settle in the west and, yes you can still travel internationally, but only to the likes of Mexico, Australia, Japan, China, or the Philippines. While some of these places are undoubtedly nice travel destinations, the facts remain that more vacationers travel to Europe than to China or Japan, and with the proximity to our eastern neighbors, why not go pay them a visit?

6. Statistically… the East is the Best

Look up any database that compiles and categorizes statistics by state, and you will see that quite literally, the East Coast is the best of the best. The East Coast has the smartest state (Vermont), the biggest city (New York City), the richest state (Connecticut), lowest obesity rate (ALL of New England), best dressed (New York, Connecticut, Washington D.C, and Boston) and more. It’s the biggest, most clever, and most physically fit. Oh and not to mention, the president lives on the East Coast. That’s right, the most powerful man on the planet has always chosen to make his residence on the coast with more to offer. As awesome as the governator is, I don’t think that anyone can counter that point, even Arnold.

5. Sports

East Coast sports are better than yours. It’s a fact. Seriously, look at the numbers. East Coast teams have won of the last 17 of the last 23 world championships, and that same number, 17, is the number of NBA titles the Boston Celtics have won in their history. No sport is spared: MLB has seen a team from the east win 5 of the last 7 World Series titles, 8 of the NFL last 10 Super Bowl champions are from the east, even the NHL saw 4 of its last 6 championship teams hoist Lord Stanley’s Cup in victory somewhere on the East Coast. And I’ll do you one better: the Boston Red Sox vs. the New York Yankees. Two of the most storied sports franchises in history, and the most bitter, hated, violent, rivalry that transcends all sports. Even if you’re not a fan you either love or hate one of these two dynasties. The best teams provoke fan reactions no matter what, and this is never truer than in the Bronx for a Game 7 Championship Series. Game over West Coasters. Nothing beats the Yankees and the Sox battling it out every summer. Nothing.

4. Proximity and Size

“They just decided they were sick of drawing border lines so they went, square, square, square, kind of square, Idaho, more squares, and whatever’s left we’ll call California”. This is the conversation I always have with people in regards to geography of the US. It’s no secret that the East Coast is split up hundreds of ways on the map with each state taking the shape of a puzzle piece that must be put together. As you move west, this changes after the likes of Indiana, Michigan, and Missouri. Next time you look at a map consider the above quote and I dare you to disprove it. That being said, the East Coast and all its crazy borders is a good thing. The states are smaller, so there are more of them, which means you can visit many of them in the span of a few days. To drive the entire state of California from tip to tip would take you 15 hours, and you will not leave the state! Drive 15 hours on the East Coast and you could go from Vermont (yes, it’s a state – the one next to New Hampsh…err… New York. No, not the city) to Charlotte, North Carolina. That’s nine states. Nine. Google it if you don’t believe me. There’s so much more to see in the East, and besides, who wants to drive for that long and not even see a single welcome sign?

3. Climate

Ok, ok so here’s where people get confused. “Why would the East Coast ever have a better climate, it gets COLD there! I mean, they have, like, blizzards and ice storms!” First off, yes, it does snow a good amount in the East. Blizzards roll through and ice storms ravage the area with bitter cold temperatures far into the negative values. But the crazy thing, and part of what makes the East so unique, is that the people there, particularly those in New England, will tell you they love it and can’t imagine life otherwise. East Coasters from Maine all the way through parts of Florida expect to be cold for anywhere from 2-7 months of the year, and it’s just sort of accepted. People either embrace it and do things like ski or snowshoe, or they, well, leave; they travel to places like Florida or California. Those who hate the cold find ways to avoid it. And hey, nobody ever said fireplaces weren’t inviting on a -40 degree day. Second, there’s something else to be said for all the weather the East Coast receives: it happens. 4 unique and distinctly separate seasons are a major part of what makes the East so appealing. Spring, summer, autumn/fall, and winter, these are the four yearly seasons for those of you in sunny So Cal or rainy Seattle who forget that there actually are four of them. Which one is the best? Take your pick; spring gives new life to the year and offers a break from those stricken with cabin fever from the cold, summer is still summer, autumn offers a bloom of color on the landscape along with tasty treats from newly ripe apples, and winter, daunting as it may seem, can be a lot of fun if you make the effort. I know a few West Coasters who have changed their mind about the snow once they experience all you can do in it.

2. History

You can’t throw a stone on the East Coast and not hit something of historical value, (unless you’re in, say, West Virginia or something). The East coast is drenched in history, and for good reason. The East has the first British colony ever settled on North America (Jamestown, VA), the first state admitted to the Union (Delaware), the first University (Harvard 1636), the first daily newspaper (Pennsylvania Packet and General Advertiser, Philadelphia, 1784) and about a hundred other things. Of course this is not exactly fair to the West Coast, as the US was settled by Europeans, but it remains true nonetheless. From its traditional, 200-year-old, red and white brick buildings and picturesque city streets to the harbors, libraries, and countryside, the East Coast is history. After all, it’s pretty cool to know that when you step foot in Philadelphia, you are just a few short blocks from where this country was founded. Sorry California, you just can’t compete with that.

1. Sunrises

Who doesn’t love a good sunrise? Well, if you’re from anywhere other than the East Coast, you may not have had the luxury of seeing a true sunrise in all its majesty. Let me just say there’s nothing like it. If you’re fortunate enough to live on the tidal coast or have mountains nearby, you are the lucky few who get this opportunity. Sure, anyone can see a sunrise so long as they get up early enough. It doesn’t matter where you are, the sun always comes up. Well, of course, but until you experience the sheer natural beauty; the sudden and immediate change from darkness to twilight and finally to daylight; the yellow and orange of the sun mixing with the blue and green of the waters and mountains; until you see it for yourself, you can’t ever say you’ve seen a sunrise as good as the ones on the East Coast. Camp out at the top of a mountain and watch as the rays of warmth from the sun slowly creep over the valley below for the first time, or take a loved one to the beach and lie in the sand as the light and color engulf your bodies. I assure you, it’s breathtaking. Not to mention – when the sun rises on the East, it rises on America. It begins a new day, week, month, or year, and offers a fresh start from any troubles past. If that’s not awesome symbolism then I don’t know what is.

10. Blow Me Down, Newfoundland, Canada

This picturesque fishing village on the edge of Newfoundland was founded in the late 1700 or early 1800s. The folks at the Blow Me Down Provincial Park website obviously have a sense of humor about the name, as visitors are assured that they will not, in fact, be “blown down” while hiking the beautiful nature trails and mountains around Blow Me Down. The unusual name reportedly originates from a sea Captain Messervay, who stood only 4’2” tall and who, having experienced the stiff wind blowing across the harbor from the mountains surrounding the Bay of Islands, remarked that he hoped the winds did not “blow me down.” Aside from the humorous name, Blow Me Down is well-known in Newfoundland as a destination for serious hikers and family outings alike, though tourists are warned in advance about the windy conditions.

9. Humptulips, Washington

With a name like Humptulips, this tiny town on the Humptulips River in Washington (which seems to corner the market on odd place names), was destined for stardom. Sure enough, Humptulips’ big moment came when it made a cameo in the book Another Roadside Attraction, by popular novelist Tom Robbins, as the home base for a group of assassin monks. The name is thought by some to be a local Native American dialect for “hard to pole,” referring to the difficult-to-navigate Humptulips River. Others believe that the name derives from a Native American word for “chilly region.”

8. Toad Suck, Arkansas

Not to be confused with the equally unfortunately-named Frog Suck, Wyoming, Toad Suck, Arkansas, is a suburb of Little Rock on the Arkansas River. Toad Suck is rumored to have been named for the riverboat captains and their crews who frequently stopped in the town and among whom drinking was a popular activity. Early residents of the town were said to remark that the shady characters who got off the riverboats sucked up whiskey until they swelled up like toads. Today, a nearby state park has made Toad Suck a popular destination for fishing and picnicking.

7. Condom, France

This tiny commune in Southwestern France almost certainly doesn’t hold the same fascination for the French as it does for the hordes of American tourists who have posed with the city’s road sign, as the French use an entirely different word for “condom.” Despite its giggle-worthy name, Condom has managed to make an international name for itself, hosting an international music “bandas” festival, an international chess tournament, an international chess marathon, and two 13th century castles. The commune was also featured prominently in the film “Le Bonheur est dans Le Pre,” in which a French man quits his job in a toilet lid factory to start a new life in Condom.

6. Whiskey Dick Mountain, Washington

Located in the Whiskey Dick Wildlife Area in Washington, this curiously-named but popular hiking destination is always a favorite in “worst place names” lists from coast to coast. While no official explanation can be found for the name, it’s difficult to imagine it was related to anything other than the obvious alcohol-induced erectile dysfunction. A mere two hours from downtown Seattle, Whiskey Dick is said to feature one of the stunning shrub-steppe areas of the United States. In fact, Whiskey Dick contains a 12-mile hiking trail which is one of the best in the nation for rugged natural beauty and wildlife viewing.

5. Monkeys Eyebrow, Kentucky

Believe it or not, there were actually TWO Monkeys Eyebrows in Ballard County, Kentucky, known as “Old Monkey” and “New Monkey.” The two towns were located at the top and bottom of a hill. This unincorporated rural community in Ballard County is thought to have gotten its name because the shape of Ballard County resembles the head of a monkey. Monkeys Eyebrow (no word on the reason for the missing apostrophe) is located precisely where the eyebrow of the Ballard County monkey would be: that is to say, near both Paducah and Possum Trot, Kentucky. In fact, residents of the comparative metropolis of Paducah are fond of saying that their town is located halfway between Monkeys Eyebrow and Possum Trot.

4. Taumatawhakatangihangakoauauotamateaturipukakapikimaunga horonukupokaiwhenuakitanatahu, New Zealand

Shortened by the locals to “Taumata” for obvious reasons, this 85-letter Maori word for a hill in Southern Hawk’s Bay is said to mean “The summit where Tamatea, the man with the big knees, the climber of mountains, the land-swallower who travelled about, played his nose flute to his loved one.” Alternatively, the longer, 105-letter word for the same hill, Taumata-whakatangihanga-koauau-o-Tamatea-haumai-tawhiti-ure-haea-turi-pukaka-piki-maunga-horo-nuku-pokai-whenua-ki-tana-tahu, is roughly translated as “The hill of the flute playing by Tamatea — who was blown hither from afar, had a circumcised penis, grazed his knees climbing mountains, fell on the earth, and encircled the land — to his beloved.” Oddly enough, it’s the 85-letter version of the name that is listed in the Guinness Book of World Records as one of the world’s longest place names.

3. No Name, Colorado

Upon first seeing the road signs, it’s difficult to tell if the town of “No Name,” located near Glenwood Springs, has no name or if it’s called “No Name.” The later is case. Not only were the founders of No Name at a loss for words when it came to naming their town, they also were unable to come up with anything suitable for the equally un-nameable “No Name Creek” and “No Name Canyon.” It seems like there should be plenty of interesting geography in Colorado after which to name a town, but perhaps the original townspeople were just indecisive. It turns out this trend continues with the residents of No Name; the No Name tunnel of I-70 is close nearby.

2. Knockemstiff, Ohio

The tiny town of Knockemstiff, Ohio, is little more than a ghost town sitting at a rural intersection in backwoods Ohio. Now known as Glen Shade or Shady Glenn, Knockemstiff was the title of a collection of short stories written by Ross County, Ohio native Donald Ray Pollack. A number of stories exist to explain the name of Knockemstiff, from a description of the brave men who populated the town to the result of a large brawl that took place at a local tavern. The most amusing story, however, is that of a young woman who asked her local preacher how she could keep her husband home at night. The preacher purportedly responded, “Knock em stiff!” In recent years, the town has gained a level of notoriety not only for its name, but because several local hauntings were mentioned in Randy McNutt’s book “Ghosts.”

1. Fucking, Austria

The fact that the name of this town outside of Salzburg, Austria, is pronounced “Fooking” doesn’t keep the road sign from being frequently stolen by foreign tourists. The settlement at Fucking has been in existence since about 1070 and was so named to honor “Focko,” a 6th century man who is believed that have lived in the area. Fed up with the constantly stolen street signs, the City of Fucking held a referendum in 2004 on changing the name of the town. While the name change was voted down by residents, the Fucking street signs are now reinforced; welded in steel and anchored in concrete.